Ray Harley forwarded these gems...
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A very intense, self-absorbed saxophone player is sitting at the bar after playing all night. A beautiful woman shyly approaches him and says, "Excuse me, I hate to intrude, but I just have to tell you that I saw you play tonight. I have never been so deeply affected by music before. It's like it woke up my mind and my heart. It also woke me up as a woman. Your music touched me so deeply that I just want to take you home with me and make mad passionate love to you all night long."
The saxophone player stares at her for a moment and asks, "Did you see the first set or the second set?"
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Warren Covington used to have an arrangement of "Tea for Two Cha-Cha" that had a carefully rehearsed break on the downbeat of the 15th measure, with total silence until the beginning of the 17th.
One night, Doug Mettome found the opening irresistible. When the band hit the break, Doug stood up and shouted, "Pennsylvania six, five thousand!"
The rest of the band did not come back in on the 17th bar, or anywhere else. They had all collapsed with laughter.
Hotel guy: OK, that completes your check in, your room is 124, right down the hall.
Musician: Thanks, it's nice to have a night off and just relax for a change. I'll think I'll have a nice dinner, glass of wine, and go somewhere to hear someone else play for a change. Do you have any jazz clubs in this town?
Hotel guy: Well we happen to have an excellent restaurant right here in the hotel and tonight is jazz night in our lounge.
Musician: Wow! I wonder if I would know anyone in the band?
Hotel guy: Well, I know the pianist's name is Oscar Peterson.
Musician: Wow! "The" Oscar Peterson?
Hotel guy: Well, not "The" Oscar Peterson, but he happens to play piano and he is a local player who we think very highly of.
Musician: Well, I'll give him a listen.
Hotel guy: And I think the bass player's name is Ray Brown.
Musician: Wow! "The " Ray Brown?
Hotel guy: Well, not "THE" Ray Brown, but his name is Raymond Brown and he happens to also play bass.
Musician: Well, I'll check him out.
Hotel guy: The drummer's name is Louis Bellson.
Musician:: Wow! (you know the drill by now)
Hotel guy: and the horn player is Kenny G.
Musician: WOW, "THE" Kenny G?
Hotel guy: Yeah...I'm afraid so!
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A vocalist hired a piano player to accompany her at an audition for a night-club job. After listening to a couple of songs, the owner said, "Can you sing 'When Sonny Gets Blue?' It's my favourite song. If you can sing it, you're hired."
The singer whispered to the piano player, "I don't know it all the way through."
The piano player said, "I know it. Go ahead and start. I'll prompt you."
Reluctantly, she began: "When Sonny Gets Blue . . ." She looked at the piano player for help. He whispered confidently, "B-flat minor ninth."
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One night, a front man said to the drummer, "When the band starts to swing, I want you to play more on the ride cymbal."
The drummer replied, "When the band starts to swing, will you please raise your hand?"
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A female vocalist goes for an audition for a show. When it's her turn, she calls "I'll Remember April" in D-flat.
"D-Flat?" the piano player exclaims.
Taken aback, she replies "Yes, D-flat. Is that too fast?"
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