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Farewell Blues

R I P Terry Shannon - November 5, 1929 - October 29, 2022
R I P Oliver Soden - ? - November 6, 2022
R I P Top Cat Daphne - ? - November 24, 2022.
R I P Louise Tobin - November 11, 1918 - November 26, 2022

Bebop Spoken There

Michael League: "We flew back from Europe, and the second gig we [Snarky Puppy] did was in Arcata, California. There were two people. And one of them was the bartender." - (DownBeat December, 2022)

The Things They Say!

Hudson Music: Lance's "Bebop Spoken Here" is one of the heaviest and most influential jazz blogs in the UK.

Rupert Burley (Dynamic Agency): "BSH just goes from strength to strength".

'606' Club: "A toast to Lance Liddle of the terrific jazz blog 'Bebop Spoken Here'"

The Strictly Smokin' Big Band included Be Bop Spoken Here (sic) in their 5 Favourite Jazz Blogs.

Ann Braithwaite (Braithwaite & Katz Communications) You’re the BEST!

Holly Cooper, Mouthpiece Music: "Lance writes pull quotes like no one else!"

Postage

14806 (and counting) posts since we started blogging 14 years ago. 1074 of them this year alone and, so far, 73 this month (Nov.24).

From This Moment On ...

November

Mon 28: Harmony Brass @ Cullercoats Crescent Club. 1:00pm.
Mon 28: Jeremy McMurray & Friends @ Billingham Catholic Club. 7:30pm. £5.00. at the door. A SVP fundraiser for Xmas food hampers.

Tue 29: Jam session @ Black Swan, Newcastle. 7:30pm. House trio: Alan Law, Paul Grainger, Rob Walker.

Wed 30: Vieux Carré Jazzmen @ Cullercoats Crescent Club. 1:00pm.
Wed 30: Castillo Nuevo @ Revoluçion de Cuba, Newcastle. 6:00pm.
Wed 30: Darlington Big Band @ Darlington & Simpson Rolling Mills Club, Darlington. 7:00pm. Rehearsal session (open to the public).
Wed 30: 4B @ The Exchange, North Shields. 7:00pm.
Wed 30: Take it to the Bridge @ The Globe, Newcastle. 7:30pm.

December
Thu 01: Vieux Carré Jazzmen @ The Holystone, North Tyneside. 1:00pm.
Thu 01: New York Jazz Night feat. Zoë Gilby @ The Keys, Yarm. 7:00pm. £30.00. (inc. meal). Tickets from Skiddle. Gilby w. Noel Dennis, Mark Williams & Andy Champion.
Thu 01: Bold Big Band @ The Cluny, Newcastle. 8:00pm. Cluny 2.
Thu 01: Paul Skerritt Duo @ Tomahawk Steakhouse, High St., Yarm. 8:00pm. Paul Skerritt & James Harrison residency.
Thu 01: Tees Hot Club @ Dorman’s Club, Middlesbrough. 9:00pm.

Fri 02: Swing Manouche @ Bishop Auckland Town Hall. 1:00pm. £7.00.
Fri 02: Classic Swing @ Cullercoats Crescent Club. 1:00pm.
Fri 02: New Orleans Preservation Jazz Band @ Oxbridge Hotel, Stockton. 1:00pm. £5.00.
Fri 02: Rendezvous Jazz @ The Monkseaton Arms, Monkseaton. 1:00pm.
Fri 02: Durham University Big Band + Durham University Jazz Orchestra @ Kingsgate Bar, Durham Students' Union, Dunelm House, Durham. 7:00pm. £3.00. & £2.50. Fundraiser for Coppafeel.
Fri 02: Niffi Osiyemi Trio @ The Vault, Hexham. 7:30pm.
Fri 02: Alligator Gumbo @ Saltburn Community Hall. 7:30pm. Xmas party.
Fri 02: Struggle Buggy's Almost Xmas Party @ Prohibition Bar, Newcastle. 8:00pm. Free (donations). Blind Pig Blues Club.

Sat 03: Jake Leg Jug Band @ St Augustine’s Parish Centre, Darlington. 12:30pm. £10.00.
Sat 03: Play Jazz! workshop @ The Globe, Newcastle. 1:30pm. Tutor: Liane Carroll. £25.00. Enrol at: www.jazz.coop.
Sat 03: Castillo Nuevo @ Revoluçion de Cuba, Newcastle. 6:00pm.
Sat 03: Remi Harris & Tom Moore @ Amble Parish Hall, Northumberland. 7:30pm.
Sat 03: Rendezvous Jazz @ Red Lion, Earsdon. 8:00pm. Xmas party.
Sat 03: Ray Johnson, Richard Herdman & Jude Murphy @ Prohibition Bar, Newcastle. 8:00pm. Free (donations).

Sun 04: Vieux Carré Hot 4 @ Spanish City, Whitley Bay. 12 noon.
Sun 04: Foundry Jazz Ensemble @ The Exchange, North Shields. 3:00pm.
Sun 04: Remi Harris & Tom Moore @ Bowes & Gilmonby Parish Hall, Co. Durham. 7:30pm.
Sun 04: Liane Carroll @ The Globe, Newcastle. 8:00pm. £10.00. adv., £12.00. door.
Sun 04: Let Spin + Ceitidh Mac @ Bobik's, Punch Bowl, Jesmond, Newcastle (8:00pm).

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

UN-NATURAL FUNCTIONS

(Anon - forwarded by Ray Harley)


It's one of those gigs that you wish you'd not taken,
But money speaks louder than pride so you bite.
Better judgement dispensed with, ideals are forsaken,
You kid yourself it'll be right on the night.

-----
The drive is a nightmare; you turn up last minute.
The bandleader's 'tutting' and itching to start.
Too late it dawns, it's hell and you’re in it,
The drummer counts in - you can’t find the first part.
-----  
As is the tradition with small town Masonics,
They've eaten their fill and they won’t leave their chairs.
They just sit morosely and down gin & tonics
While fixing the bandstand with long baleful stares.
-----  
The Worshipful Master is pissed & is swaying
His overdressed Worshipful Lady is saying,
Is this a Valetta the orchestra's playing?
You try to look cheerful and smile
-----
The drummer is dragging and starting to slumber,
The pianist seems to be playing a Rhumba
The Saxes (as usual) a quite different number
And their intonation is out by a mile.
-----
The Orchestra singer can't seem to remember
What the hell rhymes with 'From May to December’?
When all of a sudden the trombones dismember,
The last sixteen bars of the tune.
-----
The Barn Dance and Tango achieve scant approval,
The Waltz and the Foxtrot go down much the same.
The crowd starts to press for the band's quick removal,
The bandleader's wondering just who he can blame.
-----
Then the floor fills right up as the disco starts pounding,
The band makes a dash for the pub right next door.
It takes fifteen minutes to get the first round in,
There’s just time for 2 pints, so of course, you drink four.
-----
Then it's back into battle with all guns a blazing,
The bandleader calls all the crap in the pad.
The crowd whoops it up; the response is amazing,
The MC swears blind you’re the best band they've had.
-----
The barrel is scraped of the dregs from the 50's,
The worst of the 60's exhumed and laid bare.
Your musical taste buds are stripped of all feeling,
You’re playing bum notes and you don't even care.
-----
Then it’s quarter to twelve and the Worshipful Master
Is bidding three cheers for 'our musical friends'.
A quick 'Auld Lang Syne' and the National Anthem
And your private, functional purgatory ends.
----- 
You pack up in silence whilst telling yourself
That it’s not just the money that makes it worth playing.
Then the bandleader offers you two more next month,
And your brain can't believe what it hears your mouth saying.
-----
"Yes, those dates are fine, shall I ring to confirm?
It’s always a pleasure" you ooze with fake charm.
With an external smile and an internal squirm,
As the thin wad is pressed in to your cold, sweaty palm.
----- 
On the drive home, you swear that you'll cancel,
From now on it’s strictly for music, not cash.
But the thought of the gas bill just adds to your sorrow,
You just can’t afford to say anything rash.
----- 
So the following Friday you’re back counting junctions,
On the M-50-something, in nose to tail haste.
The hard shoulder littered with cast off compunctions,
Condemned to a life of Un-natural Functions
A resident gig,  in the graveyard of taste.
(Anon).

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