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Bebop Spoken There

Piers Paul Read: "Bruce Reynolds and Biggs shared an interest in Sex, Jazz and Hemingway." - (The Train Robbers by Piers Paul Read, Coronet Books 1979.)

George Shearing: "Speaking about Johann Sebastian Bach I think he'd be a real jazzer if he were alive today. I mean any man who has two wives, twenty kids, gets kicked out of the church for being too harmonically radical and drinks beer can't be all wrong can he?" - (Crescendo March 1984.)

Submissions for review

Whilst we appreciate the many emails, texts, messages and other communications we receive requesting album/gig reviews on BSH, regrettably, we are unable to reply to all of them other than those we are able to answer with a positive response.
Similarly, CDs received by post will only be considered if accompanied by sufficient background material.
Finally, bear in mind that this is a jazz-based site when submitting your album.
Lance

Posting a comment

If you experience any problems posting a comment, as I understand some readers are, then email it to me direct, stating which post your comment relates to - lanceliddle@gmail.com. Alternatively, try the Anonymous button but please sign your name!
Apologies for any inconvenience, this is due to circumstances beyond my control.

Today Friday July 20

Happy Birthdays to - Brian Chester, Paul Grainger, Emma Frampton.
-----
Afternoon

Rendezvous Jazz - Monkseaton Arms, Front Street, Monkseaton NE25 8DP. Tel: 0191 251 3928. 1:00pm. Free.

Greg Abate with Paul Edis (duo set) - Gala Theatre, Millennium Place, Durham DH1 1WA. Tel: 03000 266 600. 1:00pm. £5.00.

Little Mo Trio - SummerTyne Americana Festival, Sage Gateshead NE8 2JR. 3:00pm. Free. Jumpin’ Hot Club Stage (outdoor, Performance Square). Full Americana program.

Evening

Greg Abate with Paul Edis Trio - Jazz Café, Pink Lane, Newcastle NE1 5DW. Tel: 0191 222 9882. 8:00pm. £10.00. & £8.00. JNE.

Zoë Gilby & Alan Law: Beatles Bossa and Beyond - National Glass Centre, Liberty Way, Sunderland SR6 0GL. Tel: 0191 568 9700. 7:30pm. £27.50. (welcome drink, 3-course meal, booking essential).

Northern Monkey Brass Band - Town Park, Burn Lane, Newton Aycliffe DL5 4NP. 6:00-9:00pm. Free. Big BRASS Bash (Durham Brass Festival).

Big BRASS Bash - Town Park, Aycliffe. 6:00-9:00pm. Free. Durham Brass Festival.

Somethin’ Blue - Houndgate Townhouse, 11 Houndgate, Darlington DL1 5RF. 7:30pm. Matt Case (saxophone) & Mike Hepple (guitar). First Friday in month residency.

Lounge Lizards - St. Mary & St. Patrick's Church, Lambley (nr. Haltwhistle), Northumberland CA8 7LQ. 7:30pm. £5.

Stax Brothers - Billy Bootleggers, Nelson St, Newcastle NE1 5AN. 9:00pm. Free.

Steve Bone - Al Forno, 81 Skinnergate, Darlington DL3 7LX. 7pm.

To the best of our knowledge, details of the above events are correct but may be subject to alteration.

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Bongo Boy And Butt Girl - An In Chanting Couple (Another gem from Scott Black)

Seems that the skinny white guy who wears a Rastafarian hat and plays the bongos, has decided to expand his horizons. He has taken up chanting to add to the various musical things he can’t do. I was sitting here in a quiet repose and the thwapping sound of someone smacking an innocent bongo started up. It’s not a problem really, for I possess industrial strength earplugs for such things as train wrecks, asteroids, new age music, rap and neighbours who play bongos. But after a few minutes, he started bellowing out what sounded like an impersonation of a wounded steer to me. Or perhaps a Great Dane with an infected tooth, but you get the idea. It wasn’t in any language that I’ve ever heard of before, it made no sense and had no sense of pitch to it, or talent for that matter.

His girlfriend is a short and very cute blonde of college age I suspect, with one slight flaw. I think she was born with two asses. Either that or she uses that caboose for shoplifting. It’s hard to say. Because she seems rather slender until you reach the naval region and it blossoms from there. But we met earlier for the first time today while waiting for the eternal elevator to arrive. They know I live next to them and that’s all they know. He didn’t look at me and she looked and gave a half smile. “Hello.” I offered. “Hello.” she offered back. Now one would think that would be the end of it, we would wait for the elevator, take it to the bottom floor and each go their own way, right? But noooooooo! The girl with the party sized pooper just had to say something that made me bite my tongue, think of sick babies, the Kardashians joining a road company of “The Sound Of Music”, or even waking up to discover that I was in some hotel room and still on the road with Redbone. All it took was two simple words to put me through one of greatest attempts of showing restraint in my life. That’s it…two words. And they were said with a straight face and in a very smug manner as well.
“We’re musicians.” The knees started to buckle. That built in sarcasm gene that I was born with was fighting the rest of my body that was working overtime trying to suppress it with everything from bribes to threats. Then I caught myself just in time from adding two more words to the conversation that very well could have eventually ended in a homicide. I started to say “Me too”, but caught it in the “M” stage and left it there. I could easily imagine the knocks on the door and invites for a “jam session” with wooden flute, bongo and chanting at all hours of the day and night. I was going to say that they sound like a teenage garage band in India, but having spent time there years ago, I don’t recall ever seeing a single garage in India. A stable band perhaps? But I guess that’s what made those two words sound surreal. The totally smug way she said it! Almost with a sneer in fact. As I was holding myself back from jumping down the elevator shaft, Bongo Boy hit a home run and cleared the bases. He removed his Jiffy Pop Rastafarian Hat and he had just gotten his reddish dreadlocks shaved down to the bone. He looked like the Krishna guys who used to dance at the airports before the TSA and good taste drove them away. But he still wore the hat. It looked pretty damned dumb before when he had it stuffed full of red dreadlocks. Now it looked like a huge multi-coloured tongue flapping from the back of his head.
Finally, the elevator arrived and once the door closed, it was easy to see that deodorant wasn’t very high on their shopping list either. My eyes were watering. I wanted to fart just to improve the air quality in the elevator. I still have pretty good lungs and held my breath for the rest of the ride after that first near fatal inhale. We arrived at the bottom floor and there was the usual crowd waiting to get in. As they did, I could hear different languages groaning about the smell. I just hope they didn’t think it was me. I'm clean. Very clean.

Rast A. Farian

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

Scott's posts are always good for a big larf ..... and we jazzers should always remember that he is a top class horn player! Really, one of the finest .....

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About this blog - contact details.

Bebop Spoken Here -- Here, being the north-east of England -- centred in the blues heartland of Newcastle and reaching down to the Tees Delta and looking upwards to the Land of the Kilt.
Not a very original title, I know; not even an accurate one as my taste, whilst centred around the music of Bird and Diz, extends in many directions and I listen to everything from King Oliver to Chick Corea and beyond. Not forgetting the Great American Songbook the contents of which has provided the inspiration for much great jazz and quality popular singing for round about a century.
The idea of this blog is for you to share your thoughts and pass on your comments on discs, gigs, jazz - music in general. If you've been to a gig/concert or heard a CD that knocked you sideways please share your views with us. Tell us about your favourites, your memories, your dislikes.
Lance (Who wishes it to be known that he is not responsible for postings other than his own and that he's not always responsible for them.)
Contact: lanceliddle@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you.

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